


Hesitant

by Smooty



Series: AceDoc Teen One-Shots [1]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Coming Out, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oops, acedoc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 02:34:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18512122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smooty/pseuds/Smooty
Summary: Suddenly Murdoc was snaking an arm around his waist and pulling, making Ace stumble a little and lean on him for support. The younger bassist felt a familiar jolt of fear in his gut but didn't let it overwhelm him. Murdoc was a grabby guy, there was nothing suspicious about him hanging off Ace. Still, he felt himself begin to sweat, suddenly anxious to be back in the shadows. Just a few more seconds and he could walk off and it wouldn’t seem weird, a few more seconds he could handle that--





	Hesitant

It was their last before the tour was over, and Murdoc was killing it. He’d spent hours and hours practising their songs from The Now Now over the last couple weeks and it showed. Ace watched on from just off stage, a big grin on his face. As much as he missed being out on the stage it was good to see Murdoc back in his element. The older man was obviously enjoying it. 

They were nearing the end of the set when Murdoc motioned for him to come up on stage during a break. Ace did so eagerly, strutting forward in front of their thousands of fans. The rest of the band was smiling too, obviously glad to have him join. He knew they would be, Russel, Noodle, and Stu were like his second family now, it’d be sad when he finally had to leave.

_ Not that I’ll be gone long,  _  he thought, side-eying Murdoc beside him. The bassist was grinning manically now, his fringe messy with sweat from the overhead lights. Ace was really only leaving for a few weeks to deal with some personal stuff, then he was coming back to stay at Spirit House for a while. He caught Murdoc’s eye and felt his stomach do a little flip.  _ A long while.  _

Suddenly Murdoc was snaking an arm around his waist and pulling, making Ace stumble a little and lean on him for support. The younger bassist felt a familiar jolt of fear in his gut but didn't let it overwhelm him. Murdoc was a grabby guy, there was nothing suspicious about him hanging off Ace. Still, he felt himself begin to sweat, suddenly anxious to be back in the shadows. Just a few more seconds and he could walk off and it wouldn’t seem weird, a few more seconds he could handle that--

He felt another tug on his waist and he reflexively turned towards Murdoc. The other man was still smiling, maybe a little more fondly than before. Ace immediately recognized that look and he went to pull back. But Murdoc’s grip was tight and Ace couldn’t get away in time before he felt lips on his own. He froze immediately, body going stiff against Murdoc’s pliant one. In his brain all he could think was  _ No No No NO-- _

Finally, Murdoc noticed something was off and pulled back, concerned eyes searching his face. Ace felt the other’s grip on his waist slacken just enough for him to slip out of it, taking a few big steps backward before sping around and dashing off stage. The confused hollering of the crowd was too loud in his ears, the lights too bright. He pushed past crew members and collaborators alike, blindly running towards the dressing rooms. Without even realizing it he slammed open the door of Murdoc’s room and locked the door behind him, collapsing against it. 

His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. Thousands of people had just seen him and Murdoc kissing, maybe even more. Who knows how many people were live streaming, or Snapchatting, or whatever kids these days did? Everyone would know now, his gang, all his friends back in Townsville, the entire  _ world.  _ There were tears streaming down his face and he ripped off his shades, tossing them somewhere into the room.

There was a quiet knock on the door behind him, making him jump. He knew it had to be Murdoc or someone else from the band but he didn’t want to see anyone. The knocking continued on and off as he cried into his knees, hands gripped tight into his jeans. It finally stopped just as he felt like he could breathe again, though the anxiety was still there. What was he going to do now?

How was he supposed to face the band, face Murdoc after he’d reacted like that? It was going to be all over the news in a couple of hours, hell he probably had his own hashtag already. #Acecopularisafaggot, or something along those lines. His chest felt tight, and though his eyes were dry now his hands were still shaking violently. 

He hoped Murdoc wasn’t too upset, didn’t take Ace running off to mean that he didn’t care. Hell, he was pretty sure he loved Murdoc more than he’d ever loved someone else in his entire life. He’d seen the confused look on the other bassist's face as he ran off and he couldn’t blame him. Ace hadn’t exactly told Murdoc he wasn’t out, too embarrassed to admit something like that to someone who was so open about his sexuality. But maybe he should have, because now everything was all fucked up, completely and utterly fucked up. 

Time passed and Ace eventually got his breathing under control. He wasn’t sure how long it took but it didn’t really matter. The inside of his mouth felt sticky and gross; he really needed to get a drink of water. But Murdoc’s dressing room was a water-free zone, and while there was plenty of booze the only places to get something non-alcoholic were outside the door. He’d have to leave the safety of Murdoc’s dressing room.

He stood on shaky legs and opened the door slowly, peeking out into the hallway. The right was clear, but to the left of the door he noticed someone slumped against the wall. Their head snapped towards him when they heard the door open. It was Murdoc. 

“Ace!” the older bassist exclaimed, jumping to his feet and immediately groaning as his knees popped. Ace immediately stepped forward to help, but Murdoc waved him off. “What the hell happened?”

Ace lowered his gaze to the floor, feeling shame and embarrassment flood his system. “I-I--You kissed me.”

“I’ve done that thousands of times before mate,” Murdoc said, exasperated. Ace shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself.

“Murdoc, I’m not out. No one knows I l-like guys too,” he said quietly, still studying the floor. A long silence followed in which he could only imagine Murdoc was thinking of ways to call him a sissy. Surprisingly, the older bassist was quiet, letting out a soft sigh. 

“Shit, Ace I didn’t know…” Murdoc stepped towards him with a hand outstretched but didn’t close the distance completely. “I wouldn’ta done it if I’d known, I swear Ace.

Ace didn’t blame him. They’d only been an official thing for about a month now, though they had a lot of history past that. Ace hadn’t been sure how to bring it up, especially because Murdoc wasn’t the type to hide anything from the public. He’d planned on just keeping his distance and being careful, but he should have known better. 

“I-it isn’t your fault, M. I shoulda said somethin’,” he stuttered, running a hand through his hair and rubbing at his teary eyes. “I-I jus’ didn’t want y-you t’think I was ashamed of you or nothin’.”

This time Murdoc did touch him, slowly unwinding Ace’s arms until he could worm his own around the taller man. Ace leaned into the embrace, but not before casting a wary eye down the hall. They were alone, thank God.

“I’m sorry Ace. I know what it’s like to be outed like that.” Murdoc looked truly upset, a far-away look in his eyes. “I swear I woulda never done that t’you if I’d known.”

“I know, Doc. You’re an asshole, but not  _ that much _ of an asshole,” Ace teased his voice getting steadier by the second. Murdoc had that kind of effect on him. Something about the Satanist’s familiar warmth and comfort always made everything better. 

“Hey!” Murdoc protested, pulling back enough to look into Ace’s eyes. “We can say I was drunk, or somethin’ t’explain if you want.”

Ace shook his head. “No, that’s not fair to you. You’ve been doin’ so much better since you got back.” 

Murdoc smiled genuinely, giving Ace’s waist a squeeze. “Thanks. How can I make it up to you then?”

Ace thought for a little while, a bemused look on his face. Now that the fear and anxiety was ebbing away he could think a little clearer. Maybe this was for the best; though he’d never wanted to be forced to come out, it had happened and maybe he should just go with it. It’d be terrifying and uncomfortable, but maybe this was the first step to being himself publically.

“Well, I didn’t really get to enjoy that kiss,” he answered, lips quirking up at the corners. Murdoc mirrored his expression before leaning in and connecting their lips. This time Ace leaned in as well, kissing back with enthusiasm. It felt good, so good, to be held and cherished after his breakdown. He deepened the kiss, tilting the other bassist's head back and tangling a hand in his hair. Murdoc groaned quietly and tightened his hold around Ace’s waist. 

When they finally separated they were both a little out-of-breath and more than a little dishevelled. Ace smoothed down Murdoc’s hair where he’d mussed it up and laughed as the bassist just about purred. Eventually, they each took a step back, letting go of each other but still staying close enough to feel the other’s body heat. 

“D’you want to get out of here and get rrrrreally drunk?” Murdoc asked, gesturing towards the exit. 

“That sounds perfect, lead the way,” Ace agreed. Murdoc turned around and led them both down the hall and to the emergency exit. The air outside was warm and a little bit muggy, and it was much darker than it had been when he ran off stage. He watched Murdoc shrug off his leather jacket and sling it over his shoulder, admiring the way the older man’s muscles bunched and twisted under his skin. Unbidden, thoughts of things they could get up to later in the night began to race through Ace’s mind. He needed to touch Murdoc, needed that closeness after the day he’d had, so he reached out and grabbed his hand as they turned the corner out into the parking lot. 

Murdoc seemed surprised--Ace had never done something so forward in public--but didn’t pull away. Ace’s palm was sweaty, and he was nervous, but he didn't let go. Maybe it was finally time to start really being himself, though it might take him a while to get comfortable with all the PDA. It didn’t matter though, he expected to be with Murdoc for a long,  _ long _ time. 


End file.
